Every single thing that happens to us – do we really forget any of it?
I don’t think we do. We repress memories but I believe it stays there – just hidden. The ones we deem to have good memories are merely those who manage to keep their brain from repressing content.
There’s some things I want to forget – or at least move on from, but when I am constantly experiencing it over and over, I can’t control my memory.
I don’t want to claim that I am suffering from PTSD, as I feel that detracts from those who truly suffer, but I can’t get the images of all the times I’ve had to stand up to crime out of my head. Every time I have to face a criminal, someone who means me or someone I love harm, a little bit of me dies.
When I don’t hear news from someone after a day, I think they’ve been murdered. When I leave the house, I come back to expect my belongings to be gone. I carry a weapon everywhere I go.
I’m paranoid and being robbed every week doesn’t help.
I’m trying to come to terms with what I feel but I’d rather just forget. Unfortunately, this country doesn’t allow me to.