Do you ever have those moments where you forget how to write?
Where all manner of visual communication is lost to you, leaving you silent in a world which demands noise. When you lose all manner of making your existence known, it is as if the world doesn’t matter any more.
That may sound like solitude, but when faced with irrelevance, I panic. The world may be meaningless, but at least my so called existence gives it false meaning.
Void is what I fear. Pain is bad, yes, but what I truly fear is nothingness. I fear that all that supposedly matters becomes meaningless in the face of total and utter silence. When one loses their ability to interact with the world, a claustrophobia sets in. This may very well be the fear of irrelevance. A crushing sense of hopelessness. If the means to prove your existence can be so easily lost, what place do you have in the world?
When I forget how to write, even if just for a second, even if I just forget a word that I previously knew – then I lose my ability to prove my existence. Maybe I share this fear with many, maybe not. The fear that I do not matter at all.